Nov 16 2010

i couldn’t agree more

Bah!  Humbug.

Jun 18 2010

QotD: Work Locale

Do you work in an office, at home, in the field or somewhere else? Would you change where you work if you could? What would you miss?

I gotta hand it to you, Question of the Day.  You're really bringing the banality this week.  (Except for when you're data farming, that is.)  I work in an office, and the only thing I would change if I could is moving that office closer to my house.  I used to think I wanted to move that office into my house, until I had the chance to do so.  I worked at home for about ten months a few years back.  It was fun for the first six months, and then it became utterly miserable.  I made a rash decision and took a terrible job that wasn't at all right for me just to get back into an office.  I hate people, but I miss being around them.  They're easier to loathe when you don't remove yourself entirely from their presence.

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Dec 25 2009

god bless us, every one

So I guess, like, Merry Christmas and stuff.

Aug 7 2009

i hate this mangy beast

One of my co-workers got a dog recently.  His – the dog's – name is Zeus.  Zeus comes into the office occasionally, which really pisses me off.  He stinks like you wouldn't believe.  He has fleas.  He pees everywhere.  I have a welcome mat at the entrance to my work area which was hand woven and a Christmas gift from my very first gift exchange at this job and is treasured greatly by me.  The filthy fucker peed on it.  He bites and is generally disruptive to a productive work environment.  I give Zeus a good healthy kick every time I see him.  I don't even try to hide it.  I just haul off and give him a boot to the midsection.  I can't decide which is the more pleasing sound – the crunch of his shattering rib cage or his pathetic whimper.  Check it out.  How could anyone not hate this mutt?

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Jul 24 2009

ask a misanthrope

Dear Hotrod,

My closest friend at work is getting married in September.  She had her invitations in the office today, and when I made a joking comment about who might be my date, she informed me that I would not be able to bring a guest.  Now it’s likely that I wouldn’t be bringing a guest anyway, but being told flat out not to bother irks me a little bit on principle.  For starters, I’m reasonably certain that other of our unmarried co-workers will be bringing their boyfriends and that a former co-worker will be there with his girlfriend in tow.  And what’s more, I’ve already heard more about the planning of this wedding than I really cared to.  Every minor crisis that has arisen – from the save-the-date notifications to the selection of the band to the proper invitations – has prompted an instant message.  I understand that weddings are expensive and that tough decisions have to be made, but I believe I am being treated unfairly just because I am not currently in a relationship.  Am I wrong to feel this way?

Singled Out

Dear Singled,

Your co-worker sounds like a real bitch.  You should skip the wedding entirely.


Dec 12 2008

it's like raaaaain on christmas day

It would figure that the city in which I've lived for almost fourteen years would be determined by HGTV to be one of the top ten "Christmas Towns" in America.

If yinz follow the link above, there's a stomach-churning video about the not-at-all annoying Christmas tradition in Alexandria, Virginia.  I'd post it here if I could, but there's no code to embed the thing, and I can't seem to pull it from my browser cache.  Maybe that's for the best.  At any rate, the really ironic aspect about all of this is that HGTV's Exhibit A is the annual Scottish Walk parade, which everyone who actually lives in Alexandria, Virginia hates.  I've literally never met anybody who both lives here and thinks the Scottish Walk is anything but an unbelievable clusterfuck.  Even misguided Christmas apologists like Dabysan agree that the Scottish Walk totally sucks ass.  They also mention a bunch of boats decorated with Christmas lights and a "tradition" I've never even heard of in all time I've lived here. In short, HGTV – and their list of "Christmas Towns" – can go get fucked.  God bless us, every one.

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Dec 1 2008

clawing at my eardrums

I just heard my first Christmas music of 2008.  It was one of the least unctuous songs I can think of – Springsteen's "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town" – but my cringing recoil was still almost Pavlovian.  God, I hate this time of year.

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Oct 31 2008

halloween costume tips

You fail if I have to ask what the fuck you're supposed to be.  Also if you dress as a pirate.

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May 23 2008

heavy metal thunder

FACT:  Tonight begins Rolling Thunder weekend.

FACT:  The weather is supposed to be fair over the next few days, and I have been looking forward to opening my windows to air out my dingy hovel.

FACT:  Those windows and my hovel are situated approximately one hundred and fifty feet from US Route 1 (Northbound) – the erstwhile number one (natch) north-south thoroughfare in the nation.

FACT:  My unscientific research shows that roughly eighty-five percent of all Harley Davidson owners reside in the southern United States.

FACT:  Harleys are loud.

FACT:  Many of those loud-ass Harleys coming from the south for Rolling Thunder weekend will make use of US Route 1 (Northbound), which passes one hundred and fifty feet from the open windows of my dingy hovel.

FACT:  After another long week, I have made exactly zero plans for tomorrow in the hopes of a full day of peaceful relaxation at home.

FACT:  Those loud-ass Harleys traveling north approximately one hundred fifty feet from my open windows will disrupt my peaceful relaxation.

FACT:  I hate Rolling Thunder weekend.

May 14 2008

heaven is not a truck

I got rid of my vehicle nearly five and a half years ago.  The day before Thanksgiving 2002, the man from the second charity I called showed up in a flatbed to haul her away.  (The first charity wouldn’t take her off my hands because she was a piece of junk.)  It was a bittersweet day.  I was skeptical of moving beyond the highly suburban notion of auto ownership as a necessity of life.  But then, only a few months prior I had gone to court to contest a parking ticket and subsequent tow that occurred because it’d been months since I’d had an occasion to move her.

Since that time, I have come to relish the freedom that not owning an automobile affords, and it’s increasingly unlikely that I will be re-joining the ranks of vehicle ownership.  Yes, my commute sucks ass and yes, sometimes public transit really pisses me off, but it still would take longer if I drove.  And what’s more, I’d be even less my normal cheerful self once I arrived.  Needless to say, very few things frustrate me more than driving.

I have to drive several times a week now, and thanks to Zipcar I am able to be where I need to be.  But I don’t like it.  It has come to my attention that I am an aggressive driver, which I guess I should have known already from my disdain for all those other assholes on the road who don’t know how to drive.  A recent study confirms my hypothesis that DC drivers are among the worst in the nation.  They’re in the bottom five, actually.  This is most certainly not news.

Also not news is that Minneapolis drivers are among our nation’s best.  Of course they are.  We all know damn well that nothing of any importance happens in Minnesota, so why should anybody be in a hurry to get where they are going?  I’d approach my day at a more leisurely pace, too, if the most pressing item on my agenda was the tractor pull or making snow angels.