Feb 14 2010

bring it

Here's a glimpse of the Ramsey Cup in its natural habitat: my shelf.  Get a good look, 'cause that's where it's gonna stay for at least another three hundred and sixty five days.

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Nov 5 2009

start spreading the news

The enemy of my enemy is my friend.  Suck it, Phillies.

PS. Jerry Hairston, Jr. got into the game last night.  Is that why the Yanks won?  I’m saying yes.  Thanks, M—–l.  Jerry is good luck.

Sep 24 2009

this post is for m—–l

As a lifelong Steeler fan, I’ve had much to enjoy over the past ten or sixteen football seasons.  Some of my favorite memories are obvious.  Watching the Steelers win the Super Bowl in Tampa and Pittsburgh are first and second, in that order.  Some of my favorite memories are less obvious.

The 2005 Cincinnati Bengals had awful big mouths for a team that hadn’t done anything since the first George Bush was President.  They got real cocky, real fast.  And when you get real cocky, real fast, the karma police are going to knock on your door and ask you to take a ride with them downtown.  (I thought I’d use a metaphor that Bengals fans would understand.  Because every member of the Bengals has been arrested, you see.) That’s why the Bengals not only lost to the Steelers in the playoffs, but lost the better part of their next three seasons as their star quarterback recovered from a debilitating and hilarious knee injury on a completely legit play.

Three years later, the Bengals are becoming unjustifiably arrogant again.  Pittsburgh heads to Cincinnati this weekend with an opportunity to shut them up.  I’m looking forward to it.  And to more Youtube videos posted by bitter Bengal fans.

May 22 2009

mr. ward goes to washington (for real)

The Steelers players and coaches joined the President and others,
including Pennsylvania Sens. Arlen Specter and Bob Casey, in assembling
3,000 USO care packages that will be sent to the troops overseas.

There's a video.  I can't embed it, but you can see it here.  I can't decide whether I am more pleased today with our president or my favorite football team.  It's nice to have to think about it, for a change.

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Nov 9 2008

victory lap

This past week was a big one – one for which we had been waiting for
four long years.  I don't think it's an overstatement to say that the
contest pitted crusaders for all that is good and just against forces
of unmitigated evil.  Joyous celebrations spontaneously erupted all
over this great land when righteousness prevailed.  And then the very
next night there was an election that also turned out pretty swell.

Last Monday, the Pittsburgh Steelers defeated the Washington ***skins at FedEx Field.  I was there.  But there was more at stake than just a football game.  There are bragging rights.  You see, Dabysan
is a life-long ***skins fan, and we had a little bet on the game.  Per
the conditions of our wager, Daby now has to sing a song of my choosing on a public stage at a to-be-determined karaoke venue.

We both knew going into the bet that
the stakes favored Daby.  He has never been one to shy away from the
spotlight.  In fact, he thrives on it.  (This is why he needed a down
year from the usual suspects to win the KttD crown,
and why he will never again know such glory.)  It will be tough to
embarrass him.  I could, I suppose, select a song like "Sweet
Transvestite," but Daby has threatened without prompting in the past to
sing that on the grand KttD stage.  Or I could select a particularly
unctuous U2 song; Daby loves him some U2.  But the best
strategy seems to be the selection of a cloying and emasculated ballad.  The
leading contender is posted below, but I'm open to other suggestions.

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Nov 5 2008

sweet virginia

I'm unbelievably proud today to be a "fake" Virginian.  But I am even more proud to be an American.  I wish I had more to offer right now, but this is one of those rare moments that words escape me.  I think that's probably okay just this once.

[UPDATE: The Washington Post comments below.]

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Dec 18 2007

the thrill of victory

We're not normally ones to gloat, but it should be mentioned that our mighty Toledo Maroons advanced to the Championship game of the Just Us League yesterday evening.  And more specifically it should be mentioned that failing to advance were those teams run by Cap'n Crunch and Dabysan.  Given that the fantasy game is a referendum on one's football knowledge – Daby's words, not ours – one would expect that they will therefore be deferring to us on such matters for a period of not less than one (1) year.

This was a difficult win for the Maroons, as we struggled through lingering nausea, grogginess, and general irritability throughout the evening.  Frankly, we were ready to hit the sack by about eight-thirty.  But true champions are measured by how they perform under duress, and we were able to dig deep within ourselves to find the resolve to stay up until the final whistle blew – just shy of midnight.  That we were able also to overcome substandard performances by several of our key players speaks to our acumen as well as our fortitude.  A tough foe awaits us next week in the title game, but we are approaching the match with our typical humility.  We might win by only twenty points.

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Dec 5 2007

okay, i don't really hate football

Shortly after last night's post went live, it occurred to me that there was no possible outcome of the game which wouldn't further piss me off.  So I went to bed.  And it's a good thing too, because I'm not sure I was in any state to deal with last minute heroics from (I can't believe he's going to be a) future Hall-of-Famer and crack addict Tom Brady.  I would surely have hurt something and the most likely candidates were my television and myself, in that order.  But then, as Rigsby mentioned, the Patriots are now primed to fall to the Steelers on Sunday.

At least the second of my worries worked out okay in the end.  Despite Brady's sub-standard performance and a subsequent victory by the individual I thought I needed to lose, I managed to "slither" into the first-round bye as champion of the East End Boys division of the Just Us League.  It took three tie-breakers, but the mighty Toledo Maroons will be resting next week and enjoying – I am sure – valiant efforts in defeat from both Dabysan's Fluffy Bunnies and the New England Patriots.

Though some may deride fantasy football as an excessively geekish exercise (and it most certainly is that), I enjoy it primarily because – as a fellow geek who shall remain nameless once opined – it's a referendum on one's football knowledge.  And I daresay I am knowledgeable, finishing the regular season second overall last year and third this year.  I love proof that I am smart.  I'm not attractive and I'm not wealthy and I'm not funny, so smart is pretty much all I've got left.

I didn't post this to gloat.  It's just that there are a couple other football fans in my neighborhood who happen to be in the same fantasy league as me.  They like to share their opinions.  It's important for the public to know their opinions aren't as valuable as mine.  So okay, I'm gloating a little.

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Mar 11 2007

do you wanna dance?

no.  not like that.  of course not.

but my miami redhawks (they were the redskins during my years, but sane people recognize that term as a racial slur unsuitable for a sports team nickname) won the illustrious mid-american conference championship earlier this evening, defeating the mighty akron zips on a last-second three-point shot to advance to the big dance.  (they even, as of this writing, made espn.com's college men's basketball front page – no small feat.)  i missed the game due to a birthday celebration, but i expect to lose massive amounts of productivity later in the week to long lunches for the purpose of watching college basketball.  based on george mason university's showing last year, it's safe to say you can pencil the redhawks in to advance at least to the sweet sixteen in your office brackets.  and they'll probably head on to the final four.  you heard it hear first, folks: nobody does basketball quite like rural ohio.

[UPDATE:  a couple of things…. first of all, video of miami's improbable winning shot can be found below.  i've said it before and i'll say it again – youtube is better than the best thing ever.  secondly, akai's comment below is particularly amusing given the physical characteristics of this year's team.  you probably didn't realize it, but miami's victory is simply more undeniable proof that pasty redheaded midwesterners represent the pinnacle of human athletic achievement.]

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Jan 7 2007

coming attractions

ladies and gentlemen, if it's not too much trouble, vanna would like a quick word.

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